


Hug (포옹)

by Yleisnotonfire



Series: Sudden inspiration [8]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blame Lee Jihoon, Heavy Angst, It has become of 3k words, Lee Jihoon | Woozi-centric, M/M, So if you're sensitive to angst do not read this, Triggers, this was supposed to be 800 words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 16:09:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17511749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yleisnotonfire/pseuds/Yleisnotonfire
Summary: Soonyoung had been going through a lot and Jihoon knows that.That's why he wants to create for him a new song called 'Hug'.





	Hug (포옹)

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written a full angst fiction in months.  
> However, as soon as I listened to Hug and read the lyrics, I knew it was the one.  
> Lee Jihoon has the power of making me feel so inspired with every song of his.  
> So, seriously, for this one blame him first and then my angsty ass who wrote this at 3 am.

I have been locked in my studio for a week. I shut everyone out and even turned off my phone so that they couldn’t interrupt me. I needed to finish it as soon as possible. 

 

Soonyoung needed this song. 

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Lately, Soonyoung had been through a lot. 

He had lost his parents in a car accident.   
A truck had hit their car while they were on their way to one of Soonyoung’s showcases, the one from which his future, his career depended upon.  
The boy was so wrecked by the news that he had received just two performances before his turn. He left without noticing his trainer nor us. He ran to his parents and left that competition who could’ve given him the opportunity to receive a scholarship and attend the most prestigious Art Academy in the country. 

It had been his dream since he found out how much he loved dancing. 

It came so naturally to him to follow the flow of the music and create delicate or powerful sequences on those notes.   
After watching him perform, no one could really think of him doing something else that wasn’t dancing.  
He had it in his blood, in his soul. 

So that day, he had lost two of the most important things in his life.   
He had lost his loving parents who had always supported him and he had lost his dream of dancing.  
In other words, one could say he had lost his everything. 

 

Since then, he had been slowly falling into pieces, he was slipping into depression and he made an attempt of hiding it.   
He had lost interest in a lot of things.  
He wouldn’t hang out with us or joking around with Seungkwan and Seokmin. He stopped bothering Dino and Wonwoo.  
When one of us would ask him if there was something wrong, he would’ve said that he was just too tired because of his part-time job and he preferred resting instead of walking around and not even keeping company as he would’ve been no different from a walking corpse.  
However, I was the only one knowing he was lying. Not long ago, I had paid a visit to the place he was working and one of his colleagues had told me that he hadn’t been showing up there since the day of the car accident so they had to fire him. 

Soonyoung was trying to shut people, his friends, me out of his life. 

It wasn’t because he didn’t want us to be near him, it’s because he thought he would’ve been a burden to us, ruining our mood by crying on just by standing there, not speaking a word.   
He didn’t want us to see him being sad like that.  
He didn’t want to be around us being someone even himself couldn’t recognise anymore. 

As of now, he wanted to be alone, to drown in his feelings, in his sadness without having to pretend to be okay or not to be hurt by the pity in people’s eyes, in his friend’s eyes. 

He would’ve spent his days locked in his room, laying on his bed and crying while listening to sad music. As soon as he hit the play button, the tears would flow like a river out of his eyes, his heart would hurt to the point of feeling like it would really break from a moment to another. He would’ve hit his chest to make that pain stop, but it wouldn’t work. The more he hit it, the more that pain would grow, remembering him that it was real and that there’s no escape from the sadness of this life. 

The only reason why I know this is because I saw it. 

I saw him falling into pieces right in front of me.  
He let me in because I’m his boyfriend and because he knew I wouldn’t let him live if I didn’t see him at least once. 

That day, he opened the door and was smiling at me but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Those sparkly tiger eyes of his were dark and sad, almost empty.  
I knew he was pretending to be okay for me, to make me not worry about him so I didn’t want to push him. If he wanted to talk to me, he would’ve done it by himself, without me telling him to do that. 

What I didn’t expect was to see him slowly crumbling and crying.   
It was as if a fine vase suddenly started cracking on its own.  
Crack after crack, the vase broke down, letting the water on the inside flood the floor. 

Soonyoung was just like that. 

He was fine, talking, smiling and cuddling me. I was in his arms, my back leaned on his chest and he was carding his hand through my hair when he suddenly stopped and hugged me, burying his face in my hair. I giggled thinking that he was being his usually clingy ass but then I felt the top of my head wet with tears. I turned around to face him and saw pure pain on his face, tears streaming down not showing any sign to stop. Slowly, he started sobbing even more and shaking. I took his hand in mine and it was freezing cold. I pulled him in a hug, my arms tight around him, his face pressing on my chest. But no matter how much I held him in that embrace, he was so exhausted and shaken to the point he couldn’t seem to get warm. 

Minutes, hours had gone by and he couldn’t seem to stop. I was scared, scared he could pass out, scared he could break down even more if I’d let him go, if I pulled away from that hug. I kept holding him until the sob started fading. 

At that point, the room had gone silent.   
A silence that was too deafening.  
Words not spoken lingered in that silence.  
I could feel that Soonyoung was feeling sorry for the outburst, he was worried that he scared me, he was scared of me leaving him too after seeing him in that state. 

Suddenly, the silence was broken by a weak whisper. 

 

_ “Jihoonie, it’s hard. I miss them. I’m having a hard time without them.” _

 

And he started crying again. 

It broke my heart seeing him in that state. 

The usual ball of sunshine, who couldn’t be stopped because of how energetic he is, was curling himself in my arms, crying his heart out, hoping that when he’d stop, he would’ve got no tears left to cry. He believed that pain would leave him if he had no more tears. He believed that his heart would stop hurting, stop destroying him from the inside. 

 

_ ‘Ah, Soonyoung. Why is it you that has to suffer like this? Why life had to be cruel to you?’ _ I thought as I patted his head, holding him as tight as possible as if I could’ve been like glue, able to put his pieces back together. 

 

It was past midnight when he stopped crying and fell asleep in my arms because of how exhausted he was. 

That night, I didn’t leave him. 

I laid by his side and whispered to him how precious he is to me, how lucky I am to have found someone as lovely as him, how much I love him and how much he makes me feel loved. 

 

_ “I know that my love cannot be compared to the one your parents gave to you, but I promise to love you and stay by your side, no matter how hard it would be. I will never leave you, so please don’t ever leave me and promise me you’ll smile again. Promise me you will start shine again like the bright star that you are.” _

 

I gave him a kiss on the top of his head, on his forehead, on his nose and then on his lips.  
Soft kisses left on his skin because I was afraid I could’ve woken him up, afraid he would break again as he was too fragile right now. 

  
  


After that day, I knew what to do to make him stop falling into darkness. 

 

I’ve never been too good at expressing my feeling by simply telling the other person what I thought of them. It seemed as if words weren’t enough, they weren’t appropriate to express what I felt on the inside. However, it was much more simple doing that using music. 

Words carry a much more powerful meaning if accompanied by the right tune. 

It was something that Soonyoung had taught me.  
He always said that melodies speak even louder than words, they bear a part of the soul of the person who composed it, a part of their feelings. Be it happiness, sadness or longing.   
He made me notice that even an EDM beat, can hide notes of longing for someone who’s far away from us and that if you happen to notice that, you could truly and fully understand the meaning of that song.   
Soonyoung was able to do that, he was able to hear, to feel all of that.  
He could understand the composer and that’s why he had always created masterpieces on the songs given to him. 

It was after hearing this that I took an interest in composing. 

Thanks to him, I’ve found out that it was easier for me to show my true feelings through music. Besides, I could compose even the weirdest, slow or fast song and I knew that at least one person would’ve understood the true meaning that was hiding behind my words and notes. 

Now, I needed music again to show him that he doesn’t have to hide from us, that he hasn’t to be scared to show his feelings to his friends.  
I needed to show him that it was okay to tell us if something wasn’t right. 

We’re all like that. 

We all go through hardships and no matter how they may seem futile matters, they’re still important because they affect us.  
They make us feel sad, they make us cry, they give us a hard time and because of that, they need to be shared to lessen the burden, to make us breathe again even if it’s just for a while. 

I wanted to make him understand all of that. 

That’s why I told Jeonghan and Seungcheol to take care of Soonyoung while I was away, trying to come up with a song just for him. 

  
  


**_Laughing secretly and crying secretly_ **

**_while hiding my state_ **

**_The day that seems to be beyond my capacity_ **

**_passes by._ **

**_Today as well, the words that can’t be said_ **

**_and can only be reflected inside one’s heart_ **

**_‘I’m having a hard time,_ **

**_I’m having a hard time,_ **

**_I’m having a hard time’._ **

 

I tried to put myself into Soonyoung shoes, trying to write down what he may be feeling, what he may be thinking.   
From his point of view, he may think that he cannot say that he’s having a hard time, that he has to hide it.  
However, I’m here to tell him that it doesn’t work like that, that I’m here for him. 

 

**_Whenever you’re having a hard time,_ **

**_You can be hugged by me as I am the same._ **

**_No matter how much you hide it,_ **

**_You know that it won’t be ever covered up._ **

 

**_So we can smile together,_ **

**_Don’t say sorry,_ **

**_Don’t worry,_ **

**_Don’t be scared,_ **

**_Don’t cry now._ **

**_To me, you’re very precious._ **

 

**_Can you tell yourself who had a hard time_ **

**_That I’m here,_ **

**_That you’ve worked hard,_ **

**_That I love you,_ **

**_That I will hug you._ **

  
  


I took me a week, but now it’s done. 

_ ‘Hug’ _ is here. 

  
The title being the gesture that brought him to open a little bit up to me, the one thing that can bring warmth and comfort to somebody else. I want him to feel these two things when he listens to it.   
I want him to feel the ghost of my arms around him and the warmth of my body pressed to him.  
I want him to hear me telling him that he’s doing great in his life and he doesn’t have to bring himself down.

  
  


 

I run out of the studio and drive to Soonyoung’s apartment, a smile plastered on my lips as my heart beats fast, thinking of how he will react to the song. 

 

It takes me ten minutes to arrive there and when I do, I’m confused.   
I can see the boys cars in the parking lot.  
Everyone had brought his car and it was weird. 

 

I start feeling uneasy as I enter the building and take the elevator to Soonyoung’s apartment. 

 

When the doors open to his floor, there’s complete chaos. 

People talking one over another, people crying, people rushing from their houses to Soonyoung’s. 

 

I push my way past them, looking for a familiar face.   
When I’m about to reach the door to Soonyoung’s house, I feel someone grabbing my arm.  
I turn around and I’m faced with Seungcheol.  
He looks at me, eyes red and puffy as he had been crying until now. 

 

_ “I’m sorry, Jihoon. He had c-called me but I didn’t understand. I-I couldn’t do anything when I got here. It was t-too late. I-I was too late.”  _

 

I keep looking at him, confusion written all over my face. 

 

_ ‘What does that mean? Late for what?’ _

 

Seungcheol releases my arm and closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath before putting his hands on my shoulders to turn me around and push me a little towards the door. 

 

Afraid, I walk in with my eyes closed.  
I don’t know what to expect but I am so scared. 

 

When I open them, I wish I had kept them close forever. 

 

 

Soonyoung was laying on the couch, lifeless. 

His skin is pale and his lips are already of a light hue of blue.

His right arm hanging off the couch, his left one clutched to his chest. 

Scattered on the floor, there are a lot of different photos. 

 

I slowly get closer to Soonyoung and see the photos were of him with his parents, of him dancing on the stage, of him holding and biting a gold medal, of him pouting while being babied by all of us. 

My knees give in and fall on the floor with a loud thud. Tears already wetting my cheeks and running down my chin and neck. 

Not being able to say a word, I reach for his hand to grab it.  
It was as frozen as the day I saw him crying in front of me. 

I start crying even more than I thought it was possible to, thinking about how this frozen state can’t be broken by the warmth of my words, of my hands, of my body. 

Things become blurry, I feel dizzy and because of that, I almost miss the picture that Soonyoung had kept clutched to his chest.  
I don’t have the heart to take it from him, but I already know which photo it is. 

 

 

 

It was taken on the day of our first date. 

 

 

He had brought me to the beach to have a romantic picnic on the white sand while listening to the sound of the waves mixing to the one of the seagulls and the children running around.   
After eating, we had started chasing each other too and we wrote promises on the wet sand, waiting for the sea to take those promises with it, to keep them safe in the depths of its waters.   
We had waited for the sun to set, to whisper our feelings so that nobody could hear them.  
Before those beautiful colours of the setting sun could disappear from the sky, we took this photo.   
We asked a woman to take it and we were supposed to stand next to each other, intertwined hands, backs facing the camera while we faced the sea. However, Soonyoung whispered something to that woman and as soon as he handed her his camera, he ran to me and hugged me. The woman took the photo and smiled at us.   
We looked at it and we were enamoured.  
The different shades of the sky were reflected in the waters of the sea, the white foam created by the waves resembling the clouds. Right in front of that breathtaking view, there was just one big shadow. If you carefully looked at it, you could see that there were two people in that photo, but from afar, we looked as if we were just one person and we actually were like that. 

_Two_ bodies, _two_ hearts but _one_ soul. 

_ We were one.  _

Now, with Soonyoung’s body being this cold and with his heart not beating anymore, I am half a soul. 

I’m not complete anymore and I will never be. 

 

 

I look at him with eyes still full of tears as I brush my hand through his hair. 

 

_ “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I should’ve stayed by your side. I regret it so much, I regret leaving those arms of yours.  _

_ But there’s nothing I can do now to bring you back to me.  I can only hope you’re not suffering anymore now. I hope that you will be happier and that you will smile again with that grin that I loved so much. I hope that you will reunite with your parents. I hope that wherever you are now, you can start dancing again. I hope you won’t cry anymore.  _

_ I wish I could’ve held you in my arms one last time before you’d leave. I wish to feel at home once again while hugging you.  _

_ But it’s okay.  _

_ Don’t worry about me and wait for me. Someday, we will be together again and I will hug you again.” _

 

I want to do just one last thing, not wanting to regret anything more.  
I get even closer to him and slowly reach for his lips with mine. 

 

One last kiss on those once rosy, shiny lips. 

 

When I pull away, I say there, my lips lingering on his. 

 

_ “You’ve worked hard, Soonyoung. I will always love you.” _

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm so sorry but I hope you've enjoyed it in some kind of way?  
> As always, if you want to curse me you can do that on my twt (@Yleisnotonfire1) and CC (Yleisnotonfire).  
> If you want to read something more crack and definitely less angst, check out my other fiction [**Still Lonely (이놈의 인기)**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16802155)


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